Jealousy After Breakup: The Secret to Stop Thinking About An Ex

Uncategorized Nov 26, 2019

 

Hey there. If you have been struggling with feelings of jealousy after a breakup or divorce, then you'll want to watch this video because by the end of it I'll reveal a couple of strategies that you can use to end those feelings of jealousy and I'll also reveal a couple of common traps that people fall for that keep them stuck and unable to move forward from that breakup. I'm Dexx Williams, a bestselling author and founder of HelpHeartbreak.com and I help individuals who are hurting after a breakup or divorce to heal from their pain and feel happy again so they can stop thinking about their ex once and for all. If you're new to my channel, hit the subscribe button and click the bell so that you get notified about any future videos that I release with tips and strategies to help you with the healing process and so that you can become happier and confidence once again and be sure to watch until the end of this video because I'll reveal a free resource you can grab today that's going to actually speed up that healing process for you once and for all.

Now, tell me if you can relate to this situation. A friend of a friend of mine recently went through a sudden breakup following years of being in a relationship with their ex. Now they knew that the relationship was over, but they still couldn't get over the feelings of jealousy that they had when they would see updates on their ex's social media about how happy they were or to make matters worse. They found out that their ex had actually started seeing somebody new and that just drove them absolutely crazy and they could not sleep. They could not go through a day without thinking about their ex. Can you relate to this? If so, leave a comment below and write, "I can relate." Let's take a look at the three common traps that cause people to fall into this jealous state and what you can do about them.

Trap number one, hope of reconciliation. What is this trap? Well, if you're coming out of a sudden breakup from a longterm relationship, but there may be a part of you that's kind of hoping that your ex changes their mind, realizes that they lost the most incredible person they've ever met and that they will come rushing back to you and this will all be, you know, a bad nightmare and that's done. It's over. Here's the problem with that trap. It's going to keep you in this state of waiting, waiting for that text, waiting for that call, waiting for that email of them coming back to you. And as long as you are in this hope of reconciliation trap, any sort of activity, any person that your ex meets, any person they talk to, any story that you hear about them is going to drive you absolutely crazy.

Trap number two, I call this the Wizard of Oz trap. So why is it the wizard of Oz trap? Because there is a good likelihood that your ex is mentally messing with your head. What do I mean? He might be, or she might be putting on a show. All right. They know that you're probably checking in on them. You might be sneaking peaks of their social media. You might getting, you might be getting updates from your mutual friends and as a result, they want to give the impression they are having the time of their lives. Now that you're out of their life, right? I mean, we all have that friend or that person we've met where they see that their ex is at an event that they're at and they want to, you know, make them as jealous as possible. They go to, they go up to a random person and they put on a show.

They're flirting, they're laughing all in the hopes that their ex sees and hears that they're having this amazing time. So realize that if you're struggling with feelings of jealousy, there is a good likelihood that your ex might be causing you to feel that way because that's what they want you to feel like, which leads to trap number three, The Void realize this. If you have a sudden departure of someone that you cared about, that someone that you spent a ton of time with and they get removed from your life, there's going to be a feeling of longing for whatever that person brought into your world. All right? If you talk to them every day, you saw them every day you, you cuddled, you went on dates, you went on trips, all of those things. That person is now gone and there was a space in your life that was once filled by somebody special to you and they're gone.

And it's natural to want to get that feeling back. So when you see updates or you see, you know, activities where you hear stories that your ex is now experiencing those feelings with somebody else, it's going to hurt and it's going to cause you to feel crazy and you're going to obsess. So those are the three traps that can cause you to get into this state of jealousy and just wrack your mind with constant thoughts about your ex. So what do we do about it? Well, the first thing to realize is that any contact whatsoever with your ex is going to delay. The healing process especially if you are waiting for that reconciliation. If you are just hoping and praying that they're going to come back into your life, you are going to struggle with feelings of jealousy forever. You need to realize that the relationship is over and you need to prepare yourself to move on.

As long as you keep holding out hope that they're going to come back to you, you're going to delay your own healing process. So the first thing you need to do is accept that the relationship is over. It's part of the grieving process. Now, assuming that you have already accepted the relationship is over and you are ready to move forward, the next thing is to realize that you need to separate from your ex emotionally, physically, and psychologically until you are able to completely separate them, completely remove them from your life, it is very easy for you to continue going back into that, that that longing for whatever they represented in your life. If they are intentionally trying to make you jealous or they are trying to make you miss them, it's important that you don't give them that kind of power. The only person who can control how happy you are, who can control, whether or not you get jealous is you, which means that you do not want to hand over that power to your ex.

Do not let them cause you to feel jealous. Do not let them make you feel jealous about what they're up to because of whatever images, whatever impression they're giving you. Realize this when it comes to social media, it's not all real. All right? When people go on fantastic trips, they don't often take videos and pictures of the rainy days or the flat tires or the missed luggage or the missed flight or the missed train or whatever it is. They show you everything that went well. Very rarely do people show you what's going wrong. The same rule applies to your breakup. Chances are you aren't going to be hearing about the struggles, the challenges that your ex is going through, but if they want you to, they will make sure that you get to hear all the fantastic times out their having, that they're having the time of their life, that they're meeting great people, that their new relationship is fantastic, but guess what?

Whatever they're doing is not a reflection on you and it's over. Let them live whatever life that they're going to live. You need to focus on living your best life and making yourself happy. Step number one, no contact, no contact, no contact, no contact. That means blocking them on social media, making sure that you change their name in your contact book so that if they do text or email you, you don't get that skipping of the heart that that sudden panic because her name has popped up on an email or a text message or on the call display changed their name to like mr pickles or or mrs banana or whatever you want, but remove their name from your universe. Make sure you tell friends and family that their name. It's like Voldemort from Harry Potter, all right? They're the name that nobody speaks. You can come up with a nickname, you can call them whatever you want, but eliminate them from your world so that you aren't seeing memories pop up.

Now, you might be tempted to stay friends with them, but realize if you stay friends with your ex, you open the doors for them to make you jealous by telling you all these wonderful dates they are going on, or how great their life is going right now. Meanwhile, you're suffering in silence because maybe you are sad, you do miss them, but as long as you keep that contact going and you keep hearing how great their life is, it's not going to make you feel great. Number two, get a support system. If you have friends or family, make sure you're talking to them. Reach out to them. If you're having a rough day, talk to somebody about it. If you are having feelings of missing your ex, talk to somebody about it. All right, but do not reach out to your ex. Do not use that as an opportunity to go check up on your accent.

To see, you know, are they having a bad, are they writing about me? You know, are they thinking about me? Do they miss me? All of those thoughts are going to drive you crazy and make you want to look up your acts and see what they're up to you. And if you don't get confirmation that they're having a really bad day, it's going to make you feel really crappy. So have a support system. Friends, family. If you live somewhere that you don't have friends or family nearby, you don't really have those close associations. Then turn to an online support group. Reddit, Facebook groups. Find a forum that you can look up online, whatever it is, find some sort of group that you can talk to about what you're going through and that they can tell you, y'know, Hey, it's going to be okay. Or you can hear stories and challenges that others are going through and how they're overcoming it.

And maybe you can use that as motivation for yourself as well, which leads to step number three, journaling, diary, whatever you want to call it. Write down how you're feeling and if you've become, you know, you get triggered and you're like, Oh man, I just had a bad day and you know I wanted to look up my ex or I did look up my ex or I did get a, I got a text or a phone call from my ex or I was tempted to phone or text my ex. Anything that comes up, write it down, write down what you were doing at that time, what caused that, what triggered you to get that emotion and then come up with something you can do instead. Some sort of action plan so that you aren't tempted to go down and fall into one of those three traps again.

All right? If you get, you bumped into a mutual friend and they asked about how your ex is doing and it causes you to miss them, well go and journal it, write it down, right? Document it and guess what? Every day, things will get a bit easier. If you found this video useful, make sure to hit the like button and leave a comment below with what you really enjoyed about this video. Also, share it with family or friends who could also benefit from this information. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button and click the bell to make sure you get future notifications. Thank you for watching this video and I will see you in the next one.

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